Ouch.
Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. That was yesterday's infusion.
Four tries to get the IV in, and the second one, in my right hand, hit a nerve. Not just hit a nerve, hit it HARD and I actually started sobbing in pain because it hurt so much. It took ten minutes before the direct pain stopped, then another half-hour or so before it stopped hurting whenever I moved my hand.
Crying while wearing a face mask is not fun.
And then there is the nausea. Although I was given an anti-nausea med, the nausea still hit and by the time the Cytoxan was done I just wanted to throw up a few times and go to bed. As I was still a 45-minute drive away from home, I ended up sitting in the passenger seat wishing I was dead all the way home.
It was not a pleasant experience. The whole thing was, in fact, an ordeal. I got through it, but it sort of made me feel like my anxiety was justified. So I'm already not looking forward to the next infusion.
Other than the infusion, my day was marked by general discomfort.
In the shower I noticed how thin my hair is getting. I'm almost certain it won't all fall out, but I used to have very thick hair that almost every hairdresser would comment on. It's now thinned a lot and feels like straw. The thinning is not a bad problem to have during a pandemic when I can't visit a hairdresser at all.
My skin continues to contract to fit my body. It feels very odd at times, like someone is pinching me lightly. The lotion with Retinol helps a lot, but it still feels weird.
My legs and arms are skinny to the point of being flesh wrapped around bone, but my face looks like a balloon and my mid-section still has quite a bit of weight on it. I look in the mirror and feel like I'm a caricature of a human. My arms and legs are extremely sensitive at times, hurting just from clothing rubbing against them.
This morning I woke about 1am with more nausea and ended up getting up because sleeping wasn't an option. I spent a few hours piddling around on my computer before going back to bed, and this time I was able to sleep for awhile. I'm still feeling queasy, but it's not as bad now. I'm also fairly tired from the lack of good sleep. Oh, and my back hurts again. Yay.
So, a bit of a set-back in the last 24 hours. Hopefully I can get back to healthier again quickly. But if I seem a little grumpy, you know why.
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