Listen to your Car

I took a long lunch today as part of my "flu recovery" program. It's a 30-minute drive home, but I went home anyway, planning on a nice relaxing meal and reading the morning newspaper that I hadn't yet read. But when I parked my car and got out, it made a distinct, and loud, gurgling sound at me. "What?" I said, looking at it in disbelief. "GURgle!" It responded. "Do you need an oil change?" I said, thinking about the little sticker in the window that I'd been ignoring that said to go in on October 1st. "BURbleGURbleGERgulla!" It agreed.

So, after a short meal with no newspaper, I drove down to the nearest Jiffy Lube to have them give my car the once-over. It's actually kind of pleasant to watch these guys, zipping around the car, checking everything on the checklist, and making sure everything is right. Yup, was a bit low on radiator fluid and anti-freeze. Needed a bottle or two of oil. Everything else looked good. I'm set for another 2,000 miles or so.

I like driving. The problem is, I don't like driving when there are other people on the road. Which makes driving a very unpleasant proposition for me most of the time, since there isn't any time I drive that there aren't tons of other people on the road. I also like driving fast, which isn't terribly legal on the roads I normally drive, nor is it practical, as there are usually plenty of people in front of me who think that 45 miles per hour means that they should really go 25. I never wonder why road rage exists. It's because of two smallish groups of people: the over-cautious and the under-cautious.

The o-c drivers drive slower than the speed limit, usually by at least 5 or 10 mph. When making lane changes, they s-l-o-w-l-y move over, blocking two lanes while they move. If they are coming up on their turn, they slow down even further, without turning on the turn signal... about a mile before they have to turn. If there is a turn lane, they once again move over s-l-o-w-l-y, taking about a half-mile to get out of your lane into the turn, blocking your lane AND the turn lane at the same time. If stopped at a red light that turns to green, o-c drivers will carefully look both ways five times before slowly accelerating into the intersection. If ANYTHING wierd happens at that point, they will stop in the middle of the road. If nothing wierd happens, they will get up to about 15 mph and stay there for the next mile after the light, only accelerating further if there are clearly no other dangers around.

But the u-c drivers are the real trouble-makers. These are the people who drive too fast, but don't pay attention. These are the people who put on their make-up, talk on their cellphones, eat breakfast, read the newspaper, or otherwise distract themselves into doing stupid things regularly. These people sometimes drive too slowly, also because they aren't paying attention. They change lanes without signalling, and turn without signals, and sometimes at the last minute. They run through crosswalks when pedestrians are in them. They don't notice lights turning green, then get upset if you honk at them (after counting to three, always count to three before honking). They drive unpredictably, which screws up all the known defenses of defensive driving.

Get rid of those two groups somehow... maybe by education, and driving wouldn't be the nightmare it currently is. Of course, you could always take people like me, who get impatient with such drivers, off the road too. I'm sure that would make things better. Heck, if there is nobody on the road, that would improve traffic.