To Sleep- Perchance to Dream

I never intended to blog about my depression.

It's a "taboo" subject. Talking about it always opens you up to ignorant people. They call you crazy, say you need to be committed. They don't understand, so they react with stupidity. And there was a stigma attached to any kind of mental illness for so long, it is still something that people simply refuse to talk about.

I made the mistake of believing that the world had matured enough that talking about a serious mental illness that is incredibly widespread would not get me teased and insulted.

I was wrong.

To my immense disgust, quite a few people responded to me via e-mail and also on the late and unlamented Heraldnet forums, calling me a freak, a nutjob, a crazy woman who's husband can't be trusted (?), and other ignorant rants. I was told I should be committed. I was told that I should just go ahead and commit suicide, that the world would be better without me.

I'll just let the words of those people speak for them.

Depression is very common. It's also very misunderstood. If someone had sat down and explained to me what depression is when I was a teenager, I would have been spared years of agony. And in the middle of my worst bout of depression in ten years, that's what I was thinking about. I was thinking about how writing about my pain might help someone else realize that what they were going through was not abnormal. Maybe it would even convince somebody to go get help. And I was hoping I would get some words of encouragement to help me along, too. I never expected the sheer hate.

You know, depression is part of my life. I have been dealing with it for over thirty years. If I cannot write about something that has impacted me so profoundly throughout my life, can I even call myself a writer?

And so I refuse to accept the harassment. I turn all the insults and nasty suggestions back upon their writers. Their ignorance astounds me. Blogs, for all their faults and wonder, are one way to fight ignorance. Now that I've started talking about my depression, I'm not going to stop. If it comes up again, I'll write about it. It's my blog, my life. And, unfortunately, depression is a part of that.