Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Kidney Saga part 18

Thursday, Jan 23rd. Not a good day, bad swelling and discomfort. But, my mother and sister ordered me some magic cups ice cream/pudding and they arrived. It is a good way for me to get protein and also to help swallow pills.

The prednisone continued to mess with my mind, with wild mood swings and horrible memory dumps. The worst, though was a strange sense that time was bending. I can't put it into words, but it felt like I turned a corner on time instead of went in a straight line and everything was just wrong. It hurt and I had a panic attack from it. The next day, the steroid provided me with memories of childhood schoolyard chants that I've worked hard to get rid of because they are awful and I didn't want them in my head. Also some instances of being bullied. Lovely stuff, this prednisone.

In the meantime, mother-in-law continued to try different foods on me, including getting me a cosmic crisp apple to try out. It was very nice, but not something I'll go out of my way for. Maybe once it becomes more common and less pricey I'll get it more often.

Inkwell started sleeping next to me during the day, which told me I was tossing and turning a bit. He would be there when I woke most of the time.

I started to write everything down, every time I took certain medications, everything I drink or eat, every weight measurement, every blood pressure measurement, everything. I needed to make sure I was not forgetting. Part of healing is doing what the doctors order, and I have to write it all down or I forget.

Mother-in-law left on Saturday, just when Inkwell got used to her enough to start sniffing at her. He sang the songs of his people for the loss of his newest slave human.

News came on Sunday that the new virus out of China can be spread before people have symptoms. This made me even more determined to avoid all human contact. I noticed over my last few visits to the doctor appointments that a new screening question is "Have you had any contact with anyone who might have traveled to or been around someone who traveled to China over the last few weeks?" It's a serious problem for those of us without immune systems.

I started to worry about financial issues on Sunday, but realized if I started down that road I wouldn't stop worrying and forced it out of my mind. Instead, I concentrated on starting the blogging side of things, which is why you are getting these entries.

I also noticed that I am not depressed. Large "D" depressed. Oh, I'm "depressed" about being sick, but not the horrible biting depression that has followed me my entire life. The change from Celexa to Zoloft seems to have worked, which is a very good thing as I'm going through this lupus/kidney nightmare. Having depression on top of this would be soul-destroying. Celexa was very good for me for a very long time, but eventually stopped working. I didn't want to go off it because the lack of side effects made it lovely. But so far, Zoloft has been very similar to Celexa's first few years. So that's a good thing for me to celebrate.

Full Kidney Saga


Roger Owen Green said...

Well, when my sister was in the hospital, and pretty much out of it after a car/bike accident in June 2018, we had a notebook where EVERYONE visiting was to track EVERYTHING. Names of doctors, and what they said. Plus temp, BP, drugs taken.