Dealing with a severely depressed person can be difficult. There's always various crisis hotlines and such, but sometimes the impact of a single comment is so powerful you never know what hit you.
The absolute WORST thing you can say to someone who is depressed is, "Oh, you wouldn't commit suicide" or "Oh, you couldn't commit suicide". It makes the person feel even worse about themself, since you don't even believe they are capable of ending the pain. I have never forgiven the person who said that to me when I was suffering from my worst depression.
Pity is bad too. "Oh, poor thing, I know what you are going through!" is an awful thing to say, because even if you do know what the depressed person is going through, they will never believe you. Oh, intellectually they might realize you are telling the truth, but deep inside where the emotions are churning, they are completely alone, and such words ring false down there.
Uplifting words sometimes work, and sometimes just wash over. "Be strong", "This too will pass", "It will get better" all are nice to hear, but they are somewhat meaningless, since the depressed person is caught in a hole in their mind. You can shout encouragement from the lip of the hole, but what they really need is a rope. And, unfortunately, half the time they won't recognize a rope if they see it.
The best thing to do for a depressed person is to simply be there. There's an attitude of "I'm here for you" that helps a bit. Depending on the depression, they might hide away to avoid human contact, but human contact is exactly what they need. Someone to chat with, someone to complain to, who won't pass judgment. Talking it out generally will help clear some of the pain, even if it never finds the root cause. Sometimes a depressed person thinks they know why they are depressed, but that event was just a trigger, and not the actual cause.
For instance, I could easily point to the fact that my husband is on strike and say, "That's why I'm depressed", but it isn't true, and helpful words about the strike aren't going to help pull me out. What triggered this bout was the stress of dealing with the strike (and a short time when I believed it was possibly over or at least might be delayed, but turned out to be wrong). But even if the strike ended right now, I would still be depressed, because the cause of my depression is a chemical imbalance in my brain. The fact that I responded so well to my medication proved that much to me. Somehow, despite the medication, I've gone back over the limit. I think the stress did it.
The only thing for me right now is to avoid tempting situations where I might lose myself in a moment and do something stupid. Driving a car is right out. I wouldn't want to go rock climbing right now either. Or diving. I also need to have someone near me. Hubby-Eric realized it right away and stayed home from the line to keep me company. His presence has helped.
I've dealt with this long enough now, and perhaps the medication has removed me a step away from myself, I can see what I'm going through much more clearly than ever before. It's still mightily confusing to be depressed and unable to cheer yourself up. I've been having much more luck distracting myself than I recall ever having before. The scary thoughts are still there, and the crying is just behind my eyes, but I'm doing better than I used to. I guess that's something to be happy about.
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