I spent yesterday in a miserable huddle of anxiety.
The nephrologist never contacted me about rescheduling the Cytoxan, which tells me there are more complications. This worries me a lot, because I know so little about the drug and its effects. Having had the first dose, I don't know what a delay might mean. I sent a quick note to the nurse to ask if there was any precautions I need to take, but I felt awful all day, purely from anticipation and anxiety.
Until I was certain I wouldn't get a call or email, I was waiting instead of doing. I couldn't get much done, although I did manage to catch up to Modest Medusa. It provided some much needed distraction, as did Gail Simone's twitter feed (which has been keeping me sane for quite some time). But I couldn't concentrate well enough to write, which was annoying.
At 5pm it was clear I wasn't going to have to jump up to go to a hospital. It also meant I wasn't going to be completely exhausted from the infusion. So I decided to do a little exercise that I didn't dare to try while I was in limbo. I decided to go downstairs. I warned Eric, so he knew to listen if I had any issues, then got myself down the stairs with only a little difficulty.
Ah, so nice to be able to wander my house! There were a number of items I wanted to bring up, so I toddled around gathering things. I went into the kitchen and looked at food choices. I gathered a handful of graphic novels I haven't read yet. I pulled some kidney/diabetes-friendly recipes off the printer that I'd printed out earlier in the day. Then, after I got a bit worn out from gathering, I decided to try to get up the stairs alone.
It took me a little longer than I expected, and by the time I reached the top I felt like I had run a race, but I did make it without any help from Eric. Not having Eric right there also gave me a little confidence. I was able to do it myself, which means that on days I'm not exhausted for other reasons, I might be able to get downstairs to do stuff - like cook or bake. I cannot tell you how much I want to bake something.
A little later I saw on Facebook that there had been a small tornado in Richland - where I would have been headed if my infusion had been scheduled at the hospital as originally planned. There had been high winds in our area all day long.
Later in the evening, about 7pm, Eric and I settled down for dinner and were watching "Black Lightning" when I heard a commotion outside. Not something small, people yelling in genuine fear. I attempted to ignore it, but the sounds were too much for a former reporter to dismiss, and after a few moments I went to the window to see what was happening.
The house across the street was on fire.
After I said a naughty word, Eric was at my side, looking out at the flames on the side of the house. I wasn't sure the fire was actually in the house at first, but soon I could see the eaves were lit up. I called 9-1-1 about the same time Eric was about to, and was informed that the fire department was on the way. It seemed like they took forever to arrive, although I'm sure it wasn't as long as it felt. With the high winds today, there was a small but real danger to us.
Finally the fire trucks started to arrive, more and more as the minutes passed. I took some photos with my phone, wishing I had my camera upstairs. I decided not to try to send Eric to get it, since I would likely get more of the dust on the window anyway. If I were healthy and there wasn't a pandemic, I would have run downstairs and gotten a lot of photos.
After a bit, I called a former colleague at the newspaper, then sent her a couple of photos of the fire. I also posted to Facebook and Twitter. Standing at the window taking photos took more energy than I expected. I was wiped after only a few minutes. We watched until we were fairly certain the fire was under control, then went back to our show. I felt guilty. I wished I could have invited the neighbors in to shelter in our place and rest, but that's impossible at the moment due to the pandemic and my immune system. I wished I could have helped them in some way. To lose your house in the middle of this? At least the firefighters managed to save most of it. The attic looks like it was badly damaged, but hopefully the main floor only suffered water and smoke damage.
Utterly exhausted, I hit the hay about 10pm as the fire trucks departed. I could hear talking outside as I fell asleep, so the neighbors were out there for some time dealing with their disaster.
This morning I'm up early, got my shower and got fully dressed just in case. I actually managed to sleep pretty much entirely through the night. I recall waking up at one point and checking the clock and thinking, "I probably better get up and use the toilet." It was 2am. When I actually rolled around to get up, it was 4am.
I really hope today is much less exciting. In fact, I could go with a day where nothing big happens except I get news of my appointment. That would be nice.
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