Sunday, March 08, 2020

Kidney Saga part 42

Watching those "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials way back when were difficult for me, because I have a lot of empathy and seriously got to thinking about those situations and worrying about the folks that would be trapped like that. I didn't actually see myself in the same situation, because I was healthy and being unable to lift myself from a floor was unthinkable.

As a reporter, I read the police and fire department logs for potential stories. The fire department logs are full of "lift assist" calls. Basically people who have fallen and need help getting up. I would say the vast majority of calls were that type. When an ambulance in our town was dispatched, the odds were really good the EMTs were headed out to help someone get up off the floor.

I never thought it would happen to me.

I never thought I would get so weak I literally couldn't get up off the floor.

I never thought I would fall to the floor in the first place.

As I was eating lunch yesterday, I felt a little uncomfortable and tried to adjust myself in my chair. I stood up, and then I was suddenly falling. Hard. I didn't have time to put my hands out in front of me and just slammed into the floor.

I'd known I was weak. The medication uppage had drained me. I didn't realize just how weak I was, though. I didn't realize my legs literally couldn't hold me when I tried to stand up. And now I was on the floor, in pain, with possible injuries. Eric was suddenly there, while I started to cry and gasp. After a few moments we checked to see if my hand was broken, since that hurt the most. Then my thigh - no, I could move it without pain. My knee, no fine. My face was scraped up, Eric got a wet cloth to ease the pain. I managed to turn over and sit and we checked me over. No major injury.

Then I realized I couldn't get up.

I'm very bloated due to the water retention. I weigh far too much for Eric to lift. And I can barely get my legs under me when I'm standing to climb stairs. Suddenly I'm facing a situation where I have to get my legs under me in a way to stand up. It's literally impossible. I don't have the correct type of leverage. So I sat on the floor and thought about it and gathered strength. And felt real, sheer terror. "I've fallen and I can't get up." Even with Eric's help. Was I going to have to call the Fire Department?

Yeah, I cried. The helplessness of the situation is overwhelming. How did I get to this point? What do I do?

Finally I hit upon an answer, although I wasn't sure it would work. Incremental lift. I had Eric push pillows under my knees while I lifted against the chair, until finally he was able to boost me that last couple of inches into the chair. Once in the chair, I was able to stand again with his help. After I finished lunch he got me into bed and now I'm being super careful not to fall again.

But it was a half-hour of horror that will not leave my mind. I was shaking and crying for more than two hours after the fall. Inkwell spent much of that time guarding me, and has spent a great deal of time since on my chest telling me how much he loves me and how much I need to calm the heck down, human. When I think about it too hard I feel like I'm falling again. The scrapes are annoying, and I couldn't sleep well last night. This morning I'm beginning to feel each of the spots that hit the floor first.

The triple-dose is definitely having a major effect on me. The exhaustion is bad, but the dry-mouth is driving me nuts. Added into the new fear of falling that is so desperately terrible - I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night knowing I had to use the bathroom but each trip was a tale of terror - I am not doing well today. I really need access to a walker, I think. I put one on the wish list, but my mom said she's got one I can borrow for a bit. I just need to get it here. I just don't want to fall again.

My alarm went off to take my medicine this morning. It was an hour earlier than yesterday. Daylight Saving Time really needs to end. Just one way or another, end the stupid system. It's a complete waste.

Full Kidney Saga --- Kidney Wish List --- GoFundMe